In order to achieve effective destruction of key parts of the warship， such as bridge and vertical launcher， an adaptive detonation strategy for anti-air missile attacking warships is proposed. Taking the Arleigh Burke class destroyer as a typical target， based on the characteristics of the anti-air missile attacking warships， an adaptive detonation control model consisting of trigger initiation， distance initiation and delayed limited initiation is established by making full use of the information on the missile. The damage criterion of anti-air missile attacking warships is established， and the initiation conditions and damage effect， under different rendezvous condition are studied through simulation calculation， and the effectiveness of adaptive detonation strategy is verified， which provides technical support for expanding the anti-ship combat capability of anti-air missile and improving the efficiency of weapons.